Draw your line

Outside my window is a misty fog that lacks clarity and poses a question.

As women, we all go through extenuating circumstances that test our psyche to the max; how long or how much can we take before we say, “Enough!” When does a woman draw the line on a given situation? How and when should she react when taunted?

My cousin actually gave a great analogy to the question after dealing with an instance of malicious intent.

Like a mayfly continues to whip at our heads, biting and gnawing at our skin, and we have no recourse but to continue to swat and wave our arms as it dives and swarms us in its quest for blood, so can a situation be in which we are being driven to extremes after repeated insult.

What’s a gal to do?

As women, we need to feel valued in our lives; we need this for our loved ones, and we need it for ourselves so we can better take care of our loved ones and in turn have healthy relationships with others.

But often we don’t value ourselves enough or we think we’re being selfish if we think too much of ourselves.

I found this interesting. Allison Armstrong is the leader of The Queen Workshop – “Celebrating Woman: Regarding Ecstasy and Power” and is now doing a world tour on a number of topics concerning relationship dynamics along side Jaime Myers, Kevin Twohy and Pete Farmer, M.D.

According to Ms. Armstrong, “One of the most difficult things for women to do is to draw boundaries and keep them in place. We’ll experience upset, irritation and even anger at a particular behavior, but often do nothing to put a stop to it.

“…We’ll endure verbal, emotional and even physical abuse to the degree that we think we need the person issuing it.”

She says there are several ways of placing limits of what is to be allowed in our lives:

-We can set boundaries very close and not put up with certain behaviors, therefore, when confronted, we react suddenly with harsh emotion and attack. This limit is too close and leaves us feeling vulnerable. Oh, the claws are out now! Put the tiger back in the cage, ladies!

-We can push the line further back and not accept behavior causing us anger and frustration. We react a bit slower, colder, yet keep a cutting edge in our reproach.

-Or we can set the boundaries even further from our center, not wishing to accept but giving it time, as the behavior continues to happen around us leaving us in a state of “I should have” with lots of second-guessing.

So which works for you?

The truth is, if we recognize the value we are to other people, we will insist upon better treatment for ourselves. In doing this, it takes the courage to insist upon our own needs.

Ms. Armstrong said by reaching to our insides, we tap into our “Queen” therefore finding our essence of feminine dignity and power that we all contain within.

The paradox is, “We know we can only be our best by getting what we need, and getting what we need can be one of the most generous things we do for the people we love.”

These are the people who suffer when we are upset and off kilter.

Therefore set your boundaries, go ahead and draw that line, know it’s you who makes a difference in the lives of those you touch, show courage and, first and foremost, honor  yourself.

It’s like the L’Oreal commercial always says, “You’re worth it.”

Ciao Bella

Posted by Janel M. Harrison on January 31, 2013. Filed under Columns,Girl-2-Girl,Opinion. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry